i need a new job...

i am stuck.  this lifestyle has got to go.  its leading nowhere and doing nothing for me (except the gain of necessary income).  there are/were many different facets to this problem.  they come and go with people and things and love.  'contrite' is a common feeling nowadays that has yet to hold any semblance of myself and my situation.  its just words from my head; figures (demons) dancing around in my brain, making a big fucking mess.

we will start with (more) exercise.  doctors orders i would expect.

'up'ables in my life include a new found urge to get a cd out to the public.  im trying as hard as i can to be as pro active as possible towards its completion.  christmas seems reasonable.

tracklist

Intro
Trevelyan
Past Things
That One Moment
As You Dawn the Hood
Holy
Ambience (Interlude)
Art & War
Oirase River
[needs a title]
Echo Pass
[needs a title]
Loss
123 TV's

a full on compact disc.  SO cool.


Sir

finally went back to the wallowa mountains with my father after a six year absence.  surreal.  this return evoked so many memories and good feelings.  the eagle cap wilderness is as much a part of me as my skin.  LOVE it out there.  also, my new roommate jesse joined my dad and i on this adventure.  excellent roommate bonding time, which was/is essential... i have learned this the hard way in the past and am compelled to make sure the good times continue (not that there will ever be any problem with this pairing - i have a good feeling).

the arrangement of my room and stuff is absolutely perfect right now, minus the lack of a decent recording space.  for me, loads of extra square footage and a nifty layout is more than acceptable.  im comfortable and happy.  entering my sanctuary makes me smile.  this is good - everything i asked for and then some.

time to save up some more money and brew up some more goals for my future.  i have all the time in the world now.


Sir


ps.  kara has a boyfriend.  odd.  expected.  whatever.

it turned back on me (so i feel) and i hate it.  not a fan of not knowing things... and i hate it.  so why go after those who give this, or rather "nothing", out?  the need to feel needed.  i need to shake it quick.

hanging with sean the past week was quite necessary, although it wasnt some big paradigm shift in my life.  was i expecting it to be?  more or less, it was just something that probably "needed" to happen like so many other things right now.

i need to find a place to live within one month.

but what do i want?

i mostly want to just keep the happy streak going.  as i grow out of my current insecurities this will happen forcefully - thank god.  life has been so easy lately.  i love it.  i want to develop friendships, work with connor (and myself) on music, save up more money, spend more money, and relax.  i want to bounce off of people, keeping their ideas and abilities in mind as they hold onto my own.

in provoking learning through this text, i have come to realize all along that any sadness or regret i feel at this point in my life is hardly reflective of my current situation.  as with all bullshit, i must let it pass along with the plethora of time i currently hold.

if it werent for xanga how would i ever figure anything out?


Sir